October 15, 2016

Miscarriage: The hurt remains

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and as I sit here and reflect, I can tell you the pain never really goes away.

I think of my babies I lost every day.  All four of them.  I remember the day they were lost and the day they were due into this world. 

Who would they look like?  Would they have hair?  Would they too, hate to swaddle?  Would I finally get a good sleeper? 

I can’t speak for every woman who has lost a baby, and yes, I say baby because for me, they were babies.  For me, the stage of pregnancy, the trimester, is irrelevant.  Whether that baby could breathe on her own outside of my womb, or whether he was fully developed does not matter.  There was life.  For me, my babies’ lives were taken too soon, and I mourn.

I mourn what was to be.  Who they would become.  The void in our family.

I have made sense out of my losses.  Sort of.  I've found peace and accepted that God took them for a reason.

There are so many misconceptions about miscarriage, and people can be cruel.  I’ve experienced it myself.  I have been questioned, ridiculed, and judged for trying again and having a desire to want “another” baby.  Well, it’s my life, and my husband and I will decide when we’re done.  I’ve been called ungrateful for the children I do have.  I’m abundantly grateful for what God has given me.  Why do people think because one wishes for more of something, then they aren’t grateful or satisfied?  Life is a very short time of existence in which we innately long to fill with love, joy, and experiences.  I’ve heard it’s not a big loss because some were not too far along.  Doesn’t matter.  New life is a gift, and it’s devastating when it’s gone.  I was even told “no one cares about your f____ miscarriages.”  I can’t even dignify that with a response.  That hateful comment speaks for itself – a lack of compassion and character.

Let me clarify something.  Heartbreak is personal.  Pain is pain.  I may feel it differently and handle it differently than the next mom, but it’s mine and mine to experience.  Circumstances of course are not all the same, but unimaginable in their own way.  Loss may be early on, midway, or close to birth.  Loss may be at birth or after a few short breaths.  And loss may be just days, weeks, or months after giving birth. 

Regardless, no one should ever minimize a woman’s grief, pain, or emptiness, because no matter when a mama loses her sweet angel, she was already in love…

There’s no scale of hurt, no reason to compare.  

There's always longing.  

October 4, 2016

Hurricane Experiment for Kids

As hurricane Matthew whips through the Caribbean Sea and heads for the US, we took time to learn what exactly is happening.  Of course, my future YouTube star wanted to share our simple experiment with you.

To make your own hurricane in a bowl, you'll need:

  • bowl of water
  • blue food coloring
  • spoon
Swirl water with a spoon, drop one drop of food coloring just outside of the center, and watch the clouds form.  That's it!

September 27, 2016


A few weeks ago, Maddie made her first major life decision.  Even though, as her mom, I was here to guide her through her choice, it was ultimately hers alone.  I was very proud of her – proud of her thought process, how she considered everyone it would affect, and that she put herself as a matter of importance. 

I admire her maturity.

I envy her decisiveness.

I commend her ability to feel and press on.

No doubt, many were upset, disappointed, angry or shocked over her decision whether they were directly involved or not.  I get it.

I know there is speculation.  I know there are opinions.  And I know there are quotes, vague statements, and soapbox commentary circulating the breeding ground of negativity, divisiveness, and scrutiny that is social media.   Those who rush to all this nonsense without all the information are the very people who incite distrust, judgment, and rumors.

Whatever happened to asking direct questions?  Those who know me know I’m pretty open and value discussion, so I find it unsettling that there was so much to be said with few, or in some cases, no facts.  And those who don’t know me at all should probably have refrained from the conversations.  To have our values and my parenting questioned…wow, “mind blown!”

I understand perception is reality, but really, if people prefer conjecture to actuality, then so be it.  Such is life.  This is the world we live in.

I won't go into details in this forum.  All anyone needs to know is that Maddie made a thoughtful, tough decision for herself.  Her hip journey has put life into perspective and has changed us both. 

In the end, I have a happy kid who, once again, is sorting out the mystery, anguish, and joy that this life has to offer.  
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